Emotional 

So tomorrow is the day that I’ve spent months planning.
I’m nervous, excited and emotional all in one go.
I am so worried that people won’t come or that it won’t be a success. It means the world to me this.
Loosing Ethan was truly the worst thing I have ever experienced. There was ultimately nothing anyone could have done. There are things though that helped make the situations bearable.
I just hope that I can raise money to help other people. Money makes the world go round ultimately. So everything that helped us make the situation of loosing Ethan that little bit easier if that’s the way to put it costs money. So I want to raise money to give to the hospital to spend on things so that other people get the same treatment.
Last time I did an event like this I raised just short of £2,000 which bought another cold cot.
A cold cot is a refrigerated cot where babies that have passed are kept with their parents. Without them.babies would have to be taken to the morgue fairly quickly. This way with a cold cot the babies can be kept with their parents for longer.
I have a memory box that I got when I lost Ethan. It’s got everything in it. Like most things though it costs money. It’s at least £20. It means the world to me as it has all my memories of Ethan in it. All my memories that I have of my son in one box.
It’s devastating but it’s all I got. I walked in pregnant and walked out with no baby and a box.
So if tomorrow’s event can do anything. I just hope that I can buy even just a few memory boxed for other parents.
It’s awful having everything in a box but it still means a lot even though it pains me.
Tomorrow is going to be emotional. I just can’t believe that people are going out of their way to help me. It’s amazing and I feel so lucky.
October is a funny ole month really for me.
Ethan’s due date was October. Alfie was born in October and it’s also baby loss remembrance week in October. It’s really tough and plays on my emotions a lot
What was and what could have been.
I miss my son Ethan and I love him so so very much. I have a lot of good days but I still have my bad moments occasionally. The other night I sobbed in Ste’s arms and just said I want him back. I hate that my heart aches for him so much. I know he couldn’t have lived but sometimes I forget just how seriously poorly he was and all I can think is that I need and want my son back.
It’s not normal to have to have a funeral for your child and there is no way of getting passed that.
Anyway. I’m.going to go to bed praying that people turn up tomorrow and that it’s as successful before.
Wish me luck. This event means a lot to me.
Sorry this probably hasn’t made much sense!
One emotional angel Mummy xx







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