Father's Day

Oh God it’s that time of year again soon.
Father’s Day.
I’ve never liked it.
I’m sure I’m not the only one.
I’ve always found it hard though.
I hardly saw my Dad growing up and don’t really know him as a person even now at 33. So things like Father’s Day didn’t mean much. They got better when my Step Dad came on the scene but it still hurt me.
I’ve never really felt like I could celebrate it.
Don’t get me wrong I love my Step Dad he’s been an amazing Step Dad to me and I don’t know what I would have done without him in my life now. He’s honestly the best.
However the scars from not really having a Dad growing up left a mark.
Then I met my now husband and things changed for a while. He’d never experienced hurt on Father’s Day like I did and with him already having a son I wanted to make it special for him. After all Ste deserved it, he was, always has been and will be a brilliant Father to our children.
When we got pregnant with our first I was excited for many things. Including another reason to celebrate how amazing my husband was to his son and unborn baby…
Unfortunately as you all know our first pregnancy didn’t end well and instead it ended a few months too early in early June.
The thing is, that year we lost him Father’s Day was just days before our son’s funeral. It was hell for me let alone my husband. It was awful. Our minds focused on the funeral the following day, our hearts completely shattered. Yet on the outside we were celebrating father’s day with the son he already had. A smile on our face and everything else we ‘had’ to do, trying to act normal for William.
My heart was shattered, I felt awful for my husband.
Now each year Father’s Day is just another reminder of the pain I always feel on Father’s Day. What I’ve lost. I realise I have gained people that make me feel able to celebrate Father’s Day but sadly, I usually feel pain more then happiness and often try and throw myself into making it special to avoid feeling much.
Fingers crossed this year I get through ok again.
I hope you enjoy your father’s day though. I’m not against it by any means. It’s just for me I don’t like it.
Emma xx



2 thoughts on “Father's Day

  1. Charli Dee

    Wow…such a heartfelt post. I’m so sorry for your loss. No parent wants to bury their child, or even imagines doing so. You and your husband are so strong for trying to still make the day special for William. Stay strong, and thankyou for sharing.

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