Monthly Archives: August 2018

Alfie I have a secret

Alfie I have a secret.
I love to cuddle you at night when you sleep. Watch as you dream, smell your sleepy smell. Drink up every breath of you and watch you in awe and amazement. As I watch you sleep I wonder what dreams fill your still new and exciting mind. What pieces your mind are putting together of your wonderful day just gone by.
It’s amazing that your mine. Amazing that your here.
Amazed at what you have to come, ready to enjoy life and create those memories.
Alfie I have a secret. You have changed me.
You’ve made me a better person. You have opened my mind to explore new things.
You’ve made me stronger to stand up to people. Stronger to speak my mind. You’ve made me stronger and yet so much more vulnerable.
Vulnerable to hurt and pain like no other, vulnerable to being sad over loosing you. (hopefully never).
You’ve made me everything I am today. You are the reason I smile every day, you are the reason I try every day, the reason I explore new things. You are my world and my reason for everything, my reason for living.
Alfie I have a secret, my heart shattered once. Into a million pieces and more….before you were born Mummy thought she could never be happy again. Then you arrived in to this world. You fixed a piece of me.
Your tiny little new born self fixed me. Right there and then in that moment you were born you fixed a part of me. I never thought it possible that someone so new to this world could be so magical and yet there you were.
Alfie I have a secret. I think your magic. I truly deeply beleive that you are magic, I’m under your spell.
I’m hooked on every new thing you do, I’m intrigued by everything new you discover. Alfie you are magic. Your little arms and hands wrap around me and you instantly melt my heart, any troubles forgotten. Everything just fades. Then it’s just you and me in that moment. Having a snuggle.
Alfie I have a secret, you made me truly laugh and smile again. You make me see the world so differently now your here. I look with wonder and exploration. I look with admiration and intrigue. I look with adventure.
Alfie I have a secret, I think your amazing, wonderful, oh so powerful and magical. Alfie I have a secret. I truly beleive that you can do and be anything you want to be.
Alfie I have 1 more not so secret…..
I love you, I love you more, I love you most xx

Making Friends 

It’s easy making friends as a child isn’t it? It was for me anyway, being an only child (essentially not technically, may explain another time). If I wanted to play with someone I had to make a friend, it helps that I am super chatty, some would say a little too chatty!
I just love that within 5 minutes of playing with someone as a child your each other’s best friend, like you have known each other forever.
I loved making friends as a child, nothing else mattered, colour, religion, back ground, none of it. You were friends and that was it, you didn’t see someone else’s flaws or the way they wore their clothes, it was just accepted, end of.
Then as you get older it gets harder, making friends as a teenager was damn scary. For me I started looking around and worrying what people may have thought about me, I was never the cool kind at school, I wasn’t geeky either, I was just me. Average, talked a lot, friendly and awful at sports unless it was running. Which is kind of ironic now considering I can’t even walk far now even with two crutches lol.
Over the years I have met friends in various different ways, each all unique and wonderful!
I’ve made a friend on a bus, through an ex boyfriend, from working in a shop, studying at college together, online Mum’s groups, meeting at a SANDs group and sharing baby loss and rainbow pregnancy together and also through going to Mummy and baby classes. We’ve just gravitated towards each other and stayed there, each friendship I have has its own unique story which is what makes our friendship special.
Although now I am 33, I do feel that making friends is harder. I mean the one thing is I don’t really go anywhere that means I meet new people, other than the nursery pick ups. Even then I don’t really see anyone as Alfie is usually one of the last to be picked up so I don’t see many Mum’s.
The main thing that I find hard at making new friends now is that I know more about myself as a person, and I know I that I talk far too much!! I don’t have a filter but I am working on that now lol. I think sometimes I just come across as too friendly and too eager and it puts people off. No one has told me this, it’s just my own personal thoughts. I’m always happy to meet new people and make new friends as I go through life, it’s just a shame that as we get older, it just seems to get harder to make friends. There just seems to be too much worry about what other people think of you and each other.
What do you think?
Do you find it easier to make friends now you are older and shall we assume more wiser ha ha?! Or like me are you a bit more self conscious and worry that your too open, friendly and talkative lol.
Much love
Emma xxxx