Monthly Archives: September 2018

The Chair…..

So let’s talk about the chair. I won’t lie there’s been a lot of different feelings surrounding this chair that I had on hire for a while. Including love and hate.
I mean yeah it was great to be able to get out and get around. Go to places with the kids and spend some actually quality time with my family. I won’t lie though, it’s also been a huge pain. I mean it was a good chair but it was box standard so I had to be pushed.
There in is problem number one. Relying on someone to push you. I hate asking for help at the best of times and that didn’t help matters either. Another situation that now means I need someone to help me with something because I can’t do it on my own.
Getting Alfie to not run off while my husband is pushing me when it’s just the 3 of us. Yeah let’s not talk about this part any more. Flipping stressful is all I will say ha ha.
The chair took some getting used to as none of us were used to pushing chairs, so we had a few run ins with kerbs and paths. Also I had a few moments of feeling a bit left, like in an asile somewhere or similar.
I tell you what though, everyone I encountered was super nice and helpful. Never had one nasty comment, which is good because I had no idea what to say back ha ha!
Something I was very aware of though was that I felt really vulnerable, I couldn’t go anywhere without someone pushing me. I also had to keep giving out directions, which then just made me feel like a pain and like I was putting too much on my family.
It really was great being able to spend time time with my family and despite the cons of having a chair I really did enjoy having it. I’m actually sad to have given it back. It made me feel like I could go anywhere and do anything. Now I feel stuck again and a bit useless.
One thing is for sure though, I won’t be afraid of getting one again. I think next time though, I will upgrade to one that I can propel myself on though or even a scooter.
You know what the rubbish part of all this is though. I’m 33 years old and I’m having a conversation about me using a wheelchair.

P.S Alfie took this photo. Despite all my struggles at the moment, I know that he doesn’t care if I’m in a chair or if I’m crutches. To him I’m the same and that’s all that matters to me. xx

First day at school

I can’t believe it’s your first day of school.
Our next chapter together.
I’m so excited for you.
Moving up to school with all your friends from pre school. Your lovely group of friends you’ve known for years.
I remember meeting your teacher when we went to look around, you loved the school already and you looked so at home. I instantly saw all the exciting milestones we were going to experience together. First Christmas play, first play, first school birthday party and first school invite. First Christmas concert, first girl friend, first parents evening. First fight?! First falling out. First day of primary school and the last. I saw it all right there. As we stood there together and you tugged on my coat and I bent down and you whispered. Mummy please. I love it here.
The forms are filled in. The acceptance letter came. Excitement wasn’t the word.
You, me, Daddy & your brothers. A team. The team. Together the fun, the memories the friendships. Together we would laugh smile and cry. We were going to create some amazing memories.
School uniform shopping, gosh what a great day. We went into town, got some fancy new Clarks shoes, I totally boasted about how incredible and intelligent you were. So proud of you, finally off to school and just so amazing and grown up. Ready to soak everything up like a sponge. Bag, lunch box, pants, shirt, jumper & new coat…… check check check and check. Sorted. A little dinner date treat to round the day off. Done. Sorted.
First day upon us. Excited and scared. 1 extra story the night before at bedtime. Uniform laid out. Shoes cleaned and polished, bag and coat at the ready. Bubble bath and hair freshly washed.
That morning I made your breakfast. Your absolute favourite. Special treat.
Hand in hand we walked, up to school we went. Chatting happily along the way.
We got to the playground. You saw your best friend, you let go of my hand and off you ran. As I wanted over to speak to his Mummy I looked and smiled. So happy at how relaxed you were, taking it all in your stride.
The bell rang and your brand new first ever teacher came out. Your face look scared but excited at what was to come. You turned and ran to me, I bent down. We had the bestest and longest cuddle ever.
I took in your new school happy self and swallowed my happy tears sad tears. My little baby growing up. You whispered love you Mummy and off you went. Best friend in hand you walked into school. One last look back at me, a big smile and wave, in you went and the doors closed.
One happy, sad, scared yet very excited and teary Mummy left stood in the playground. Me.
Ethan Shepherd.
Your first day of school.
September 2018.
Just a dream.
Just another painful milestone.