Daily Archives: 13 October, 2018

Grieving for others 

For a while after your baby dying you tend to live in a bubble. People, cars, the t.v. It all keeps moving around you. The cheese in the fridge goes mouldy and the milk goes off, as you just sit there on the couch, in silence and stillness, letting everything around you pass you by. You wonder what you did wrong, why did it happen, were you evil in a past life, relaying every second from when you found out your baby was too poorly to live until the last moment you laid eyes upon them. It’s like a replay over and over. You can hear people, sometimes you talk back, sometimes you move. You clutch the blanket they were once wrapped in.
It’s not until some time down the line that you realise others may be grieving too.
There’s a lot of things I regret that I have to live with since finding out Ethan would die.
I deeply regret the way we handled our parents. The thing is as I mentioned at the beginning there’s so much going on and it really is like a bubble it’s just impossible to snap out of that.
I guess what I am trying to say is, for a while I didn’t notice that our parents were grieving too. They were helping us so much in keeping going, getting food and looking after William etc that it didn’t occur to us at first that they hurt just as much.
I feel so terrible now. It makes my heart ache with sadness. They didn’t just loose a grandson though, they had to watch their own precious children go through unimaginable pain. I’ll be honest I can’t imagine having to stand by and watch Alfie go through something like this. You want to wrap your kids up in cotton wool don’t you and not let them feel pain? I’m guessing it doesn’t change at whatever age they are.
My point to this is, Grandparents grieve too, not just for the baby, the grandchild they should have had but also for their own children that are in so much pain and they can’t fix it.
Then there are your friends, how do your closest friends manage? What do they say? I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to be friends with me after Ethan dying. I mean do you act and talk normally? Do you creep around, do you leave them? I don’t think there is any right or wrong way to some extent. I think it all depends on the person that has lost the baby and how they are as a person.
Ste is a straight forward matter of fact person, the type that wants to get on with things so to speak. I tend to dwell and I am a very emotional person, so I imagine it was like walking on eggs shells around me lol.
To my friends who read this, I am sorry if I was hard work but know this. For those of you that stood by me and that stand by me still no matter what. If it was a meal, a hug, a text, helping with funeral arrangements, memory gifts or all this and more. I thank you. From the bottom of my heart I thank you. I know I was a zombie and I can’t imagine how hard I was to be around but for this I am grateful, you stuck by me when I needed you the most and for that I am truly thankful.
In my last part of today’s blog I have three last things to say.
1. To my friends and to Ethan’s Grandparents, I often think of how we broke the news to you and it makes me so sad you found out this way. I wish I could turn back time and do things differently. Among taking more pictures it’s one of biggest regrets.
2. To Ethan’s Grandparents, nothing makes me more happy than knowing that you got to meet our precious son. I will never forget those happy memories that we share together.
3. To everyone other than a grieving parent, be you a friend or relative or Grandparent………the parents know you are there. They know you are grieving too and one day, when they emerge from the bubble they are in. That parent who just lost their baby, they will be ever eternally grateful for everything you are doing for them and for sticking by them.
Here’s to all others that grieve for the babies that never made it home xxx