Daily Archives: 17 April, 2019

Guilt is a funny thing……

Guilt is but a funny thing.
My head is telling me it’s ok and tries to rationalise things but heart tells another story.
I feel so guilty that I don’t go to the cemetery as often as I feel like I should. Then I remind myself there’s no set amount of time per year or week or months that I should go.

I guess it’s because I can’t offer Ethan the same as what I can offer Alfie. I wish I could but I just can’t. I can’t buy gifts in the same way. I can’t cuddle him the same way, I can’t speak to him properly.
If I do speak is he listening? I’m mean none of us really know if there is life after death do we. So sometimes when I speak I wonder if he can even hear me. Is there a point.
Yes guilt is but a funny thing. Your head and your heart in conflict.
Life passes by so quickly after a while and yet in the beginning it was oh so slow. I take a breath and weeks have passed by and I remember I need to freshen your flowers.
I think of you baby I do. Your in my heart and my mind always.
I just wish I could show you and tell you the same way I could show Alfie.
Guilt. Doesn’t really matter how much time passes. When it comes to you my darling boy I will always feel a little guilty. Nothing will ever be enough when it comes to remind people that you existed and I still feel that pain for you xx