Unused birthday

Shoes never worn
Birthday hat never used.
Invites lay un-written and your birthday cake you never got to try.
As I look around the room, I wonder what would have been
Pen in my hand and birthday card in front of me.
What do I write to the boy who had nothing and never was. Never lived.
Nothing but pure love and yet such a broken heart.
Do I wish for a party, or cake, do I wish for presents in heaven. Or do I hope your heart was fixed, that you can feel me hug you. Oh what to write in your birthday card?
No friends to invite, no excited face. No memories or pictures to look on with delight.
Just an unused birthday.
Just a day of memories and scars. Heart break and hurt. A party for two, no invites or smiles. Just a loving memory, a small picture-less cake with a candle. Mantelpiece empty. Wondering what would have been. Just an unused birthday.

I love you with all my heart and more Ethan.
Much love xx

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