So it’s been a whole month since I left the house for something other than a walk on the back field.
There’s a few things that I’ve……..well I guess you could call it learnt.
Anyway, this is my thoughts and fluff and stuff on a page for you to read if you want about my isolation so far.
My husbands job is actually more important than I realised.
I love Alfie to bits, he’s far to much like me. The difficulties we face with him are hard and I really need to get to the bottom of things sooner rather than later.
I’m worried about my FND, not driving or walking around or going out as much could mean my brain will forget everything. It can happen so quickly and I have worked so so hard. I had got worse anyway over winter and now this has happened I do fear for my health and what it means for my FND.
I have learnt that I need space and time alone. I’m very much a family person, but being isolated in a house with your family and only one reception room and a kitchen that barely fits two adults in. Alone time is basically none existent. Someone always finds you. Even the cat. I love them all but shit a girl needs space sometimes.
Being on lockdown has made me realise that we didn’t go to many places but I miss the fact that it was our choice not to go anywhere. I also really miss not being able to just nip out for bread, milk or ________ ( insert anything you miss here that you can’t just nip out for).
I can be the parent I wanted to be. I wanted to be this Mum who always had fun things to do and ideas and creative things. My problem was that I never quite knew what to do or where to find ideas and resources. Thanks to lockdown it feels like more people are actually sharing ideas of things to do with their children. Activities and fun things to try, websites to access or anything like that. People are sharing them. Maybe it was just me but before lockdown it felt like I wasn’t privy to this knowledge or I needed a special password to be able to know these things of places to find information on stuff to do with children. Now it seems this knowledge is accessible and I love it. People sharing ideas and tagging people. It’s brilliant and it has made me feel like a better Mum.
It’s made me realise that people really can’t follow simple instructions.
I wish we lived somewhere closer to more places to walk with more outdoor space.
It’s the small things that count. Having that brew in peace whilst it’s still hot. A FaceTime with someone you miss or a film night faith family. These small things can make all the difference.
When your husband says he’s painting the kitchen ceiling, he will probably end up painting the whole kitchen.
Lockdown birthdays are ok but it never quite feels like your it was your birthday.
Finally I think after this, I thinK it might make me realise about the kind of person I want to be and how to live my life.
It’s also made me realise who I can rely on and who’s a real friend.
Other people you have never met can really wind your back up.
If you don’t come out of this without learning a new hobby or a stone lighter you’ve not made it worth while. Or some crap like that. Well excuse me! Some of us have just been trying to juggle about 16 balls all at once!
Feeling under pressure to create memories.
Let’s set this straight.
My back garden is not big enough for a tent to camp out.
Sharing a bed or bedroom or living room floor with my son is not my idea of fun.
Last time I shared a bed with him I got bruised to buggery. He fidgets like no tomorrow.
I already feel like I can’t do the same as everyone else. I can’t run around in soft play or play tig in a park or do anything else that requires a) a lot of stamina or b) me to be on foot a lot. Thus so, creating memories I’ll be honest just makes me feel like more pressure. I’m just winging it and if Alfie looks back on this whole thing and thinks I have something fun I’ll take it as a bonus. I will not however be striving to create everything I see on social media that other people are doing.
(This being said I will still sometimes feel a little bit shit that we didn’t camp in the back garden or anything else that’s labelled as fun) x