Monthly Archives: September 2020

The next phase….

I’m in a different part of my life now and I don’t think I realised. 

Have you ever looked around and thought how on earth did I get here? 

A bit like when you go on auto pilot when driving. You get in the car, fasten your belt, turn the car on, pop your favourite radio station on and drive. Then because you know the way you just go, your thoughts drifting. Suddenly, however long later you look at where you are and think wow, how on earth did I get here?

I suddenly felt the same about my life. One minute I am in my 20’s and still going out and doing young fun things. The next I’m in my mid thirties, two pregnancies, one living child, a step son, a life changing disability later and I feel like I’ve been shunted forwards into this phase and enjoying settling down in front of the tv in my pjs with hubby. I mean lets face it, being responsible for a small human is kind of a big deal and a life changing experience in itself.

After some personal things that have happened I suddenly felt myself bumped up to the next level so to speak. I mean I’ve been a Mum for a while now. Longer if you include being a Step Mum. It’s just, I don’t know. I’ve only just realised I am in this phase of my life and I can see the next phase creeping closer now too.

So despite being a Mummy I never really realised where I was. 

I’m not saying I don’t like it, I just didn’t realise. Life just kind of races ahead and before you know it, you are ticking the next box up on the age section of a form and getting excited about organising your fridge along with side-lining the fact that you will never be fitting in the hen do dress again!!

So now I have realised I am in that next phase of life I am going to enjoy and embrace it as after all not many people get to experience a full life.

Have you ever realised anything like this before?

Much Love

Mrs Shep

Why I took a social media break…..

I’m 35 and I only just found out that my favourite colour was purple. 

I thought it was pink, however I think I kind of conformed to society for many years. However I just realised the purple was indeed my favourite colour. 

It’s the reason I left social media for a while. Ok not literally because of my favourite colour because that would be silly, however not knowing your favourite colour isn’t silly. I just found out…… 

I left because I forgot who I was and where I was going. With the life stresses and difficulties that have been faced with lockdown this year. Plus all the traumas I’ve faced in life. Which is more than my fair share if you don’t follow me on Instagram.

My son died & I developed a brain condition that no one seems to know much about despite it apparently being common. Things like that can change a person. 

I’ve never known any of my favourites be it a film, a song, colour, meal etc. I think for so many years I’ve always just followed along in life, trying to fit in but never quite knowing where. 

I still don’t know where I fit in but I think that’s ok. 

The fact that I don’t know where I fit in kind of reflects on my social media. Again I think that’s ok though. I don’t have to be one person do I? To like one song for life and that’s my favourite, or have one favourite film….no, because life is about change. Experiences change you and that’s ok. 

You have to change with it or sometimes you will get left behind. 

Whilst I’ve had my social media break I’ve realised a few things. I’ve realised that I should worry about what content I post and I don’t have to be at Instagram’s beck and call to try and be popular or be seen. I’ve learnt that my grid doesn’t have to fit in with everyone else’s. I started blogging for me, to share my story and help others who are going through the same as me and educate others on baby loss. I think I’ve done that and more besides. 

I never started blogging to earn money and it’s not something I’m thinking of any time soon either.

However I will still continue to blog. I love sharing parts of my life and meeting others. That doesn’t mean I should become obsessed about fitting in though. 

I don’t fit in and that’s ok. Why should I conform to having a grid post that’s perfect with themes and pictures that are beyond anything I could manage edit wise! So that’s why I took the break. I love social media and since I became disabled and lost my job I love it even more. It helps keep me sane but I lost that bit where it kept me sane these last few months. I became obsessed with my content and what to post and keeping up with everyone else’s style and keeping up with the analytics of Instagram.

Something I get praised on with my blogs and my Instagram is my honesty. 

So this is me.

I’m Emma, I’m 35. I don’t fit in. I’m a crazy misfit and I have only just realised my favourite colour is purple. 

Much Love

Emma

xx