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Lockdown update

So it’s been a whole month since I left the house for something other than a walk on the back field.

There’s a few things that I’ve……..well I guess you could call it learnt. 

Anyway, this is my thoughts and fluff and stuff on a page for you to read if you want about my isolation so far.

My husbands job is actually more important than I realised.

I love Alfie to bits, he’s far to much like me. The difficulties we face with him are hard and I really need to get to the bottom of things sooner rather than later. 

I’m worried about my FND, not driving or walking around or going out as much could mean my brain will forget everything. It can happen so quickly and I have worked so so hard. I had got worse anyway over winter and now this has happened I do fear for my health and what it means for my FND. 

I have learnt that I need space and time alone. I’m very much a family person, but being isolated in a house with your family and only one reception room and a kitchen that barely fits two adults in. Alone time is basically none existent. Someone always finds you. Even the cat. I love them all but shit a girl needs space sometimes.

Being on lockdown has made me realise that we didn’t go to many places but I miss the fact that it was our choice not to go anywhere. I also really miss not being able to just nip out for bread, milk or ________ ( insert anything you miss here that you can’t just nip out for). 

I can be the parent I wanted to be. I wanted to be this Mum who always had fun things to do and ideas and creative things. My problem was that I never quite knew what to do or where to find ideas and resources. Thanks to lockdown it feels like more people are actually sharing ideas of things to do with their children. Activities and fun things to try, websites to access or anything like that. People are sharing them. Maybe it was just me but before lockdown it felt like I wasn’t privy to this knowledge or I needed a special password to be able to know these things of places to find information on stuff to do with children. Now it seems this knowledge is accessible and I love it. People sharing ideas and tagging people. It’s brilliant and it has made me feel like a better Mum.

It’s made me realise that people really can’t follow simple instructions. 

I wish we lived somewhere closer to more places to walk with more outdoor space. 

It’s the small things that count. Having that brew in peace whilst it’s still hot. A FaceTime with someone you miss or a film night faith family. These small things can make all the difference.

When your husband says he’s painting the kitchen ceiling, he will probably end up painting the whole kitchen.

Lockdown birthdays are ok but it never quite feels like your it was your birthday.

Finally I think after this, I thinK it might make me realise about the kind of person I want to be and how to live my life.

It’s also made me realise who I can rely on and who’s a real friend.

Other people you have never met can really wind your back up. 

If you don’t come out of this without learning a new hobby or a stone lighter you’ve not made it worth while. Or some crap like that. Well excuse me! Some of us have just been trying to juggle about 16 balls all at once! 

Feeling under pressure to create memories. 

Let’s set this straight. 

My back garden is not big enough for a tent to camp out. 

Sharing a bed or bedroom or living room floor with my son is not my idea of fun. 

Last time I shared a bed with him I got bruised to buggery. He fidgets like no tomorrow. 

I already feel like I can’t do the same as everyone else. I can’t run around in soft play or play tig in a park or do anything else that requires a) a lot of stamina or b) me to be on foot a lot. Thus so, creating memories I’ll be honest just makes me feel like more pressure. I’m just winging it and if Alfie looks back on this whole thing and thinks I have something fun I’ll take it as a bonus. I will not however be striving to create everything I see on social media that other people are doing. 

(This being said I will still sometimes feel a little bit shit that we didn’t camp in the back garden or anything else that’s labelled as fun) x

Anyone seen my mojo?

I’ve lost my writing mojo since we arrived in 2020. 

Last year I had a plan and wanted to do a blog a week so I made myself find things to write about. I pretty much achieved it too. 

Then I changed my name and blog account and since then, I’ve worried that people haven’t been reading or been as interested. Which is silly really as I have always written for myself and just to share my experiences with others and hoping someone finds something I wrote about helpful to them.

I have been wondering where to go this year and what to focus on with my blog, what new and interesting things I can share with you all. However for some reason I have found myself worrying that I’m not enough or not interesting enough. 

Anyway, there’s not much point to this other than I’m sorry if you have missed my writing. Hopefully now January is almost over I can finally get out of this slum and get back to creating content that I love, and that hopefully you love too.

I’ve got a few blog ideas so hopefully I’ll get my flow back soon! 

Much love 

Emma xx

Emma’s Bites – Nacho’s with a difference

Emma’s Bites – Nacho’s with a difference 

Sometimes you just need something a bit different, tasty and comforting.

So here is my nachos with a difference. 

For this you will need;

Chicken pieces 

Grated mozzarella 

Nachos 

Red pepper 

Yellow pepper

Red onion

Chicken seasoning 

Firstly get your chicken in a pan with some seasoning, Schwartz have some great ones.

Then once the chicken had started to brown, add the chopped onion and peppers and pan fry for another few minutes. 

Whilst those are cooking, get a dish and layer some nachos down. Top with some of your mozzarella cheese. 

When your chicken is cooked, add half the chicken mixture to the dish. Then repeat the layering. 

So too the chicken mixture with nachos, cheese and last hot of chicken mixture. Finish off with more cheese and add to a hot oven to melt the cheese. 

Once your cheese had melted, serve and enjoy. I guarantee this will go down a treat with the family! 

Tag me on Instagram if you re create this dish. 

Much love

Emma xx

I wonder what it’s like…..Who would I be if….

When I found out I was dyslexic and dyspraxic I was in my early 20’s. So about  ten years ago now. Happy anniversary to me……

I certainly felt like it explained a lot that’s for sure, I always felt like struggled that bit more than everyone else.

For as far back as I can remember I have always thought of myself as clumsy, poor balance and absolutely no hand eye co-ordination.

I’ve always felt like I have struggled through life a little bit more than everyone else.

Trying that bit harder to remember things, to read, to follow instructions or even play sport. 

I’ve always had to work at 150% rather than 100%.

I mean I am used to it but it doesn’t mean I like it.

I look around sometimes and I just wonder what it’s like to be someone else for a while, someone who doesn’t struggle to follow words on a page due to dyslexia. Someone who doesn’t have dyspraxia and walk into doorways or have to have cheap wine glasses because of being so clumsy. 

I want to remember what it’s like for my muscles not to ache or not to wake up in extreme pain. 

Did you know that you get muscle ache with dyspraxia too? Yup. So you see I feel like I have never experienced what it’s like to wake up feeling healthy. Even before getting FND. 

I would love to wake up one day and get to experience what it’s like not to have any of these struggles. 

To actually remember things, to follow instructions and to do list, to not procrastinate because my to do list is over whelming and confusing. I want to know what it’s like to not have chronic fatigue or pain. I want to know what’s it’s like to just breeze through the day send give everything just 100% for a change.

Did you know I have suffered with pain throughout my body since I was 12 years old. Yes 12 years old. Back pain and leg pain.

The dyspraxia side of me growing up meant that standing for a long time was exhausting on my muscles. My muscles just aches and I found myself fidgeting a lot and wanting to sit down. I’m still the same now, just throw in some FND as well and you have a broken Emma.

The dyslexia part of me struggles with reading to a small extent, following the sentence and spelling too, sometimes the words look really funny on the page. 

Now I have another condition that’s related to my brain. Now while I make the most of things, I try as hard as I can, I work around my problem areas and find solutions to help myself……..

The truth is it’s exhausting and I would love to know what it’s like to go through life without having these struggles.

Just one day to wake up and not have FND, dyslexia or dyspraxia. One day without every daily task I try and over come. One day without struggling with memory, reading, writing, clumsiness, chronic pain and chronic FND and everything else I have to battle every day. 

Don’t you ever wish what it was like to live without something? 

I feel like these conditions are that much of a huge part of me now I sometimes wonder who I would be without these conditions? I mean I try not to let them define me but the truth is I wonder who I would be without them now as they’ve been such a big part of me for so long.

Maybe I would be boring……