First day at school

I can’t believe it’s your first day of school.
Our next chapter together.
I’m so excited for you.
Moving up to school with all your friends from pre school. Your lovely group of friends you’ve known for years.
I remember meeting your teacher when we went to look around, you loved the school already and you looked so at home. I instantly saw all the exciting milestones we were going to experience together. First Christmas play, first play, first school birthday party and first school invite. First Christmas concert, first girl friend, first parents evening. First fight?! First falling out. First day of primary school and the last. I saw it all right there. As we stood there together and you tugged on my coat and I bent down and you whispered. Mummy please. I love it here.
The forms are filled in. The acceptance letter came. Excitement wasn’t the word.
You, me, Daddy & your brothers. A team. The team. Together the fun, the memories the friendships. Together we would laugh smile and cry. We were going to create some amazing memories.
School uniform shopping, gosh what a great day. We went into town, got some fancy new Clarks shoes, I totally boasted about how incredible and intelligent you were. So proud of you, finally off to school and just so amazing and grown up. Ready to soak everything up like a sponge. Bag, lunch box, pants, shirt, jumper & new coat…… check check check and check. Sorted. A little dinner date treat to round the day off. Done. Sorted.
First day upon us. Excited and scared. 1 extra story the night before at bedtime. Uniform laid out. Shoes cleaned and polished, bag and coat at the ready. Bubble bath and hair freshly washed.
That morning I made your breakfast. Your absolute favourite. Special treat.
Hand in hand we walked, up to school we went. Chatting happily along the way.
We got to the playground. You saw your best friend, you let go of my hand and off you ran. As I wanted over to speak to his Mummy I looked and smiled. So happy at how relaxed you were, taking it all in your stride.
The bell rang and your brand new first ever teacher came out. Your face look scared but excited at what was to come. You turned and ran to me, I bent down. We had the bestest and longest cuddle ever.
I took in your new school happy self and swallowed my happy tears sad tears. My little baby growing up. You whispered love you Mummy and off you went. Best friend in hand you walked into school. One last look back at me, a big smile and wave, in you went and the doors closed.
One happy, sad, scared yet very excited and teary Mummy left stood in the playground. Me.
Ethan Shepherd.
Your first day of school.
September 2018.
Just a dream.
Just another painful milestone.

Categorised as Baby loss

By Admin

I am Mrs Shep aka Emma. Mum of boys. I suffer for FND and I also have dyslexia and dyspraxia. I chat about everything from baby loss and (sen) parenting to general life stuff. I even through in some meal ideas and recipes sometimes too!


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