Growing up so fast….

As I tuck Alfie into bed dressed in pyjamas and a vest, I realise that my baby I once held in my arms has gone. Instead I have a wonderful little boy instead.
He hasn’t been in a sleep suit for bed for weeks now. His little feet grew that little bit more and now they are too big for them. What happened to my little baby?! A little chatty, independent , cheeky boy has taken his place.
As I watch him getting snuggled up into bed I wondered how everything had past me by already. He’s only 2 and already he has changed and developed. He has become a little boy with his own personality making us laugh and smile on a daily basis. I love watching him grow but gosh I miss my baby. I wish I could nip back in time and capture some more of those precious moments and make sure I savour it all. I wonder if I took enough video or pictures (ok pictures I probably did but video I didn’t).
Due to having dyspraxia, I really struggle with my memory and I worry so much that I will forget all these cute special stages of his life whilst he is so young. Each small stage is passing me by so quickly.
I wonder as I tuck him in to bed and place a kiss on his forehead what stage will be next and what will be next to go. I will suddenly realise that something was the last time and I will think to myself was I ready, I didn’t realise I wouldn’t be able to do that again.
Then I snap myself out of it and realise just how lucky I am to watch him grow every day. I saw a quote some time ago that as a Rainbow Mummy and an Angel Mummy has stuck with me. “You think seeing them grow up too fast is hard? Try not seeing them grow up at all”. I have my forever baby.
So despite missing stages with Alfie and worrying about not savouring the moment enough or catching it on video or camera, I remember I have a baby that is frozen in time. Watching them grow into their own person and explore the world is one of the greatest honours of being a parent. Whilst thinking to yourself, I created that wonderful child, and hope that one day they do something incredible and that my dear is all down to you. You shaped that wonderful tiny baby into someone incredible. Be proud of that. When they have long since left home, it is then that we can look back on what was and remember all the silly and wonderful moments we shared as a family.
I love you Alfie Shepherd. Reach for the stars my darling boy and be everything you can possibly be.
Lots of love
Mummy xxx

By Admin

I am Mrs Shep aka Emma. Mum of boys. I suffer for FND and I also have dyslexia and dyspraxia. I chat about everything from baby loss and (sen) parenting to general life stuff. I even through in some meal ideas and recipes sometimes too!

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