If there is one thing I have learnt in life it’s the harsh reality that nothing ever goes to plan. When I was a little girl I had this idealistic plan in my head. The whole marriage, 2 children, ‘perfect family life’. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ungrateful for what I’ve got and I […]
Category: Baby loss
It’s been 6 years now and I still remember those feelings you get surrounding the day your baby dies. It’s never usually about the day for me these days. It’s the build up. Remembering those last few innocent weeks before your world came crashing down around you. Remembering a time where you were blissfully unaware […]
I remember growing up when it was just myself and my Mum. Seeing how hard she worked to provide for us, look after me and play both parenting roles. I just remember just wanting to always show her how grateful I was for everything she ever did for me. I still feel like that now. […]
Don’t judge a book by its cover is one of my favourite sayings. You never know what someone is having to deal with. You don’t know what’s going on inside. I remember the early days after I had lost Ethan, looking around and thinking that everyone who had a baby where lucky. That they had […]
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Cold Cots – why they are important
If you are reading this and you have never lost a baby then firstly you are very lucly and I hope it never happens to you. Secondly I appologise that you may find this blog extremely dfficult to read. If you have been in the unfortunate position to have lost a baby then my heart […]
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Why I can’t leave Ethan at home
If you follow me on Instagram or you read my blog on wheelchair assistance through the airport you will know we recently went away. Something that might not have crossed your mind but when we go away we have to find someone to look after Ethan. Ethan, my son who died. Now let me take […]
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What if the worst happens again?
I always think the worst. If you have also experienced organising a funeral for your own child then you too will understand the sheer indescribable pain that comes with watching your child take the first and final breaths. I have written various blogs about what it’s like experiencing baby loss. What I haven’t talked about […]
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Unused birthday
Shoes never worn Birthday hat never used. Invites lay un-written and your birthday cake you never got to try. As I look around the room, I wonder what would have been Pen in my hand and birthday card in front of me. What do I write to the boy who had nothing and never was. […]
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Guilt is a funny thing……
Guilt is but a funny thing. My head is telling me it’s ok and tries to rationalise things but heart tells another story. I feel so guilty that I don’t go to the cemetery as often as I feel like I should. Then I remind myself there’s no set amount of time per year or […]
I’ve started this Mother’s Day blog so many times and if I am honest I feel lost on what to say really. Whilst Mother’s Day is important to me it also makes me sad. I just feel like there is so much pressure on who has the best day, who got the best gift, who […]