I remember growing up when it was just myself and my Mum. Seeing how hard she worked to provide for us, look after me and play both parenting roles. I just remember just wanting to always show her how grateful I was for everything she ever did for me. I still feel like that now.
Then I had children of my own and the realisation of how hard being a parent was kicked in I wanted to spoil her more in Mother’s Day. Showing her how amazing she is for all that she does for me and my boys.
Being a Mum your not just a Mum.
You are the mediator, the cook, the cleaner, the organiser, the friend, the boss, the educator, the party planner, events organiser, the singer, the dancer, the soother, the nurse, the doctor, the maid. You are the glue.
To me, Mother’s Day is everything. Mother’s Day is the one day where I hope to be spoilt. Not in expensive material gifts. Breakfast made, my daily jobs taken over, cuddles, my choice in what’s on t.v, family time, a nice meal chosen and cooked for me, a bunch of flowers and chocolates. Maybe even a trip out for walk or something.
To me Mother’s Day is everything. It’s the one day where your children and Spode can show their appreciation all that you do for the family and the children.
If you ask for me out for a coffee and I say no, why not ask to bring it to me?
If you ask me to go and watch a film and I say no, why not come to me with a film instead.
If you ask me to go for food and I say no, why not bring it to me?
If you ask me out for some drinks and I say no why not come to me?
If you ask me to go out for anything and I say no, why do you not come to me instead?
Just because I can’t make it out of the house that day, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to see you. It just means things are bad that day and my home is where I feel safe.
It just means that I would still like to see you but that you might just need to come to me that day.
When I feel ok, I’ll be sure to try and return the favour if it’s needed.
I realise being friends with me may sometimes be harder than I once was (or if we’ve just met that it may sometimes be harder than other friendships you have), however I can promise you this. I will value our friendship like no other. I’ll be loyal and kind and our friendship will mean the world to me.
To be friends with someone and choose to have that someone in your life is like a weight worth in gold.
I have followed Slimming World for a number of years now and I once lost four stone following this plan.
However since I got FND, I am obviously not as mobile as I used to be.
This is problem number one! I’m not burning any calories that I actually consume!
I can follow the plan, do the meal plan, measure the milk and cheese allowance.
However my problem is the syns!
I’ve never been much of a drinker when it comes to alcohol. Maybe on the odd night out when I was younger, but not any more. Drinking alcohol when you feel rough every anyway isn’t much fun I can tell you!
I’ve also never smoked.
So you see chocolate is my only vice! Like most people I tend to comfort eat, which if you follow me on Instagram there’s a always something several
times a week that gives me a reason to comfort eat.
I’m the type of person that eats chocolate spread from the jar while hiding somewhere.
I’m the type that goes out of my way for chocolate and yes I have taken chocolate from someone else’s stash!
I am quite sure I’ve got a problem when it comes to chocolate. It doesn’t matter if it’s chocolate spread, chocolate cake, chocolate bar or hot chocolate. I’ll have it!
So you see.
Combined with my inability to walk far now and my never ending chocolate addiction. No matter how much I follow the meal plans for Slimming World.
I honestly can’t see my me loosing this weight again.
Then again who knows?! Hopefully I can prove myself wrong x
Don’t judge a book by its cover is one of my favourite sayings.
You never know what someone is having to deal with. You don’t know what’s going on inside.
I remember the early days after I had lost Ethan, looking around and thinking that everyone who had a baby where lucky. That they had everything they wanted and they where lucky.
The truth was I had no idea if they had suffered before like me. If they’d lost a baby, struggled for years to get one or adopted because they couldn’t have one.
That parent in a shop who’s battling with her child yet again, who’s probably close to tears. Look a little harder. It might not be a naughty child, may be there’s underlying problems they aren’t discussing with anyone yet.
Maybe they are battling a long term health condition. Maybe a loved one died. Maybe they lost their job. Maybe they are struggling in ways you can’t imagine.
Never judge a book by its cover. You never really know what’s going on inside.
2019 is over and 2020 has well and truly started. Last year saw the loss of a few things in my life but I have also gained as well.
My aim at the start of last year was to get over 300 followers on Instagram and now I’m eager to get to 1,000 which feels almost within reach.
Regardless of numbers I also wanted to try extra hard from my blog. I really love blogging, sharing my thoughts, feelings and experiences with you. In the hope that I can help someone else through the same experiences as I have had.
You won’t be seeing any new year resolutions from me, or new year new starts, or even hoping for a better year. It just isn’t me, the next year still sees the same luck as last year. Resolutions are quickly broken and it’s never going to be a new me lol!
I’m proud of things I have achieved for 2019 and no matter what 2020 throws at me I do know this…….I’ll always try my best and I’ll always be a fighter. So bring it in 2020 because I’m here to fight anything you through at me.
However, between us as a family we have decided to write a list of things we want to do this year. These include various things from both me, Ste and the boys. Such as; have more than 2 date nights this year. Visit Thorpe Park. Go to Legoland, films we want to see at the cinema, trips to various places and having more games nights as a family. I’m also hoping I can replace a broken unit in the hall this year but I’ve been hoping for that for a while now lol.
So as you can see, the things I / we want to do this year don’t consist of things that will change me as a person. I’ve had enough life experiences to change me as a person. They are merely things I would like to do this year.
I would love to know if you have any resolutions this year, how your getting on with them or even just your opinion.
I wish you the best of luck with anything you want to achieve in 2020.
Like I wasn’t good enough………. Suddenly there were Christmas blogs, vlogs and posts everywhere and I had nothing. Don’t get me wrong, I love and good Christmas vlog and everything else that comes with it. I have a fabulous watch list on my youtube!
However, I suddenly got that Mum guilt. The guilt, that I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t doing enough as everyone else.
This time last year (2018) I had not long been out of hospital and Christmas was organized for me / around me.
This year I feel like I have got to prove something. Like I can still do it all, which is ridiculous because I can’t.
Social media is great and I love it. I really have found a great community on my Instagram account. I follow some amazing people with wonderful homes and ideas.
So why am I so god damn guilty of feeling like I am not good enough?! Before I answer why I think this is so let me share this with you….
I asked a few question on my Instagram stories and these were the questions and results…….
“Do you feel like social media constantly tells you it’s just about making memories”
63% of you said yes!
So then I asked………”yet you still feel like your not doing enough?” An incredible 92% of you said YES!!
I also asked:
1) “Do you feel like you are meant to have the picture perfect Christmas?”
2)”Do you feel a certain amount of pressure for Christmas?”
3) “Do you feel like you should have it all and do it all?”
Lots of you said yes, a few people said no and some gave more detailed answers which consisted of;
Feeling like everything should match, co-ordinated outfits, colour co-ordinated decorations and everything homemade.
Instagram is OTT about Christmas this year.
In real life no but for social media yes.
Feeling like family are out-doing you for your kids.
Keeping both parents happy.
Pressure to make it perfect for the children.
Now if social media keeps telling us it’s just about the memories then why do so many of us feel like we aren’t doing enough at Christmas?! Well here’s my thoughts……..
Despite the efforts that we all make as bloggers / vloggers / influencers to be real. I do think there is still an element of wanting to show perfection. I mean who wants to show a half done Christmas job? If you can’t manage a tree or a finished tree are you really going to be telling everyone than illness suddenly struck you down and this is what you have? Or that everyone argued on how to decorate it and you gave up? No! You want to be the one that influences someone else and have someone else copy what you have done. You want to feel loved and liked for all your efforts.
Another reason is, we watch one person and they’ve done elf in the shelf with great ideas. Then we watch someone else and they’ve done incredible advent calendar ideas all homemade. Then you see someone else who’s baking from scratch.
Now then, each of these is wonderful, however are each of these also doing the other things as well? Or are they just doing that one as best as they can?
Why do we insist on trying to do all these three at 210% and not just do one at the usual 100%? I’ll tell you why! It’s because you don’t want your child to be the only one that missed out on not having an elf, or not having the best activities planned or the best food served on the table.
I am 34 now and my only hope is that Alfie and William look back on their childhood with nothing but fond memories.
I remember Christmas when I was a
Child and I absolutely loved it. There was no elf on the shelf, no fight for the best tree, no competing for the best and most exiting activities!!! It was just me, the family and some mega fun Christmas games! In fact the Christmas games are what sticks out the most in my memories from being a child at Christmas.
I guess what I am trying to say is that, I know your putting pressure on yourself. You went your child to have the best presents, food, activities and the best elf.
However the truth is, as long as they are happy don’t worry. They really won’t remember the details, they will just remember that every year you always watch that film on that day with those treats.
Or that you always pick a new decoration after decorating the tree.
Or that you play those yearly Christmas games that you all love.
So stop comparing yourself to everyone else. It’s not all what it seems. So what if you having got matching pjs?! My hubby prefers loungewear and my step son is 14, they aren’t going to want to be in matching pjs so why should I bother wasting my money!
So here’s my motto;
You are good enough.
You do not need to prove anything to anyone.
Your Christmas is yours as well.
Memories are really all that matters in the end.
Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. They might be feeling the same and just not showing it.
That being said, if you do want it all and you can have it all easily. The matching pjs, matching decorations, every room looking like Christmas and the homemade cooking and baked goods then go for it! The rest of us are only jealous that’s all ha ha
We all talk about Christmas gift guides for children but what about us Mum’s too? I mean we work really bloody hard and put ourselves at the bottom of the pecking order all the time.
Then when it comes to Christmas it’s oh just money or vouchers thanks…….
Then what happens to that? Be honest……it probably goes to the kids or the house. I’m right aren’t I? I know I am super guilty of this. My mother in law was very quick to notice this and one year she got me a voucher where I had no choice but to spend it on me! Another year I was under strict instructions to buy myself something and not Alfie ha ha!
So why do we find it so hard to think of gifts for ourselves? Well I don’t know about you but I think it’s because, we put that much time and thought and effort into our children. Helping them through the world and being their voice when they can’t speak, we want what’s best for them. How many times have you shared your bath because it makes them happy? Or your food because they were still hungry? Or your drink because they wanted to be like you and copy.
I think the reason why we don’t have a big long list when it comes to Christmas is because ultimately the things we want are not much. After putting the kids before us every day and us to the back, we miss out on things that shouldn’t be a luxury but now are.
So when it comes to Christmas, these are my first thoughts on gifts for me……..
Socks and underwear. I really should update these, holes in my socks and
knickers that quite frankly have seen better days. I mean when the kids have growth spurts they comes first don’t they!? Well my eldest is 15 now and so that’s a long time to wait for decent socks and knickers isn’t it!?! (Please note I do have decent underwear if anyone is worried however some have still seen better day’s).
I’ve got slippers that have been used as a setting for pirate ships, a bridge and god knows what.
Right now a long hot bath or shower would honestly feel a spa day……
I can’t remember the last hot meal I had where I wasn’t helping Alfie eat because and I quote “my arms don’t work today” or “my fork is being funny” (FYI apparently laugh at it then is not an appropriate response to his just so your aware!)
I’ve got pictures on my pjs that are so worn you can’t make out the character anymore…….
And if Mario Dedivanovic ever saw my make up bag……..well I think he’d have a heart attack (he’s a famous make up artist – yeah I had to google one,I’m not cool lol)
I mean I ran out of perfume months ago and it won’t be replaced unless Santa brings some.
So to anyone reading this. If you ask a Mum what she wants for Chrsitmas, yes she might want a new mirror, dining table and a new unit in the hall because that one is broken. (this is genuinely me lol 😂 it’s all been moved to next years list now for us to save and buy ha ha!)
She won’t ask for them though and she won’t ask for anything else.
She probably wants the simple stuff in life, pjs, slippers, underwear, socks, perfume and maybe some chocolate and her favourite drink to herself! An uninterrupted hot bath with a face mask will feel like spa day!!!
If you let her have time for shaving her legs followed by a no kids allowed hot grown up meal (with green stuff if you like!) then my god let me tell you……..next year you will get the best pick of the homemade Christmas cards let me tell you lol 😂😂😂
Be sure to tell me what’s on your Christmas list year?
If you follow me on Instagram you will know that I recently went away for my Mum’s 60th birthday.
We had such an amazing time that I want to share it with you.
This was paid for by us. Nothing was gifted or anything. I just wanted to share with you that’s all.
So, we stayed in a converted chapel called Kaber Chapel in Kirby Stephen in the Lake District.
Having seen the photos in the website and now in person. You just cannot appreciate how gorgeous this converted chapel actually is.
It sleeps ten people and had five bedrooms. Three double and two twin rooms. All with their own bathroom, three are en suite and the two twin rooms have bathrooms situated in very close proximity.
Two double bedrooms are upstairs and the other bedrooms are dotted around the downstairs of the building.
Each bathroom has; two towels, two bath robes, two sets of slippers. The owners have also placed in the bathroom; cotton wool, cotton buds, shower cap, shoe mit, sewing kit, sanitary disposal bag and some face cloths.
Each bathroom also consists of body wash, body cream and hand wash which I believe is refilled regularly.
The owners have clearly gone to great lengths to ensure that you have a really comfortable stay.
The hymn board displayed happy birthday 60 on it and the organ had a happy birthday music sheet on the stand.
These little touches made my Mum’s day and made her feel quite special.
Around the main living area are cupboards where you will find a wonderful extent of books, games, Baird games, DVD’s information regarding the chapel and how to guide for everything but also some leaflets on places to go.
You could also find little pots of honey fitted around and in each bedroom on each bedside were some sweets wrapped up or some rasins. I mean it was just such a lovely idea and such a friendly and welcoming touch.
Now. The main living area.
The actual living room is upstairs, it has for double series and two beanbags in the window. One thing of room to sit and chat, play games or simply watch tv.
Upon entering the building, past the coat rack area, is the dining and kitchen area. Wow. Just wow. It was utterly amazing when we walked in. With high ceilings, beams and a kitchen of dreams it really was amazing.
There was 11 of us that went (Alfie slept on a mattress on the floor in our bedroom) and I can honestly say that we didn’t feel ok too of each other in the kitchen area. We had plenty of room for a few of us to be busy and make food and drinks.
I also really loved it because the kitchen and dining area really felt like the hub. Where it all happened. It felt central and homely.
People came out of bedrooms and we could greet people from the kitchen / dining area. You could chat to people sat at the table while cooking and making drinks.
It’s just how I imagine being around a lot of people in one house. It was perfect for what we wanted.
With games, books and DVD’s and lots lots more, you honestly didn’t actually even need to leave the chapel. You could easily spend the whole weekend in the chapel and not feel the need to leave.
Then finally. Let’s discuss what made us click that book now button!
At the back of the building, they have put in; a sauna. An indoor bbq and an indoor hot tub! I mean wow!
The sauna was lovely and seated 4/5 people more than comfortably. It wasn’t too hot either, perfect temperature and even had a radio / music system plugged through into the sauna! They’ve laid towels out in the sauna to sit on as well. I mean it was just glorious! Especially in the cold weather we are having here in the UK now!
The hot tub was just wow! There’s a window just behind the hot tub which is nice, you can look at the views, admire the wildlife or simply open it to cool down lol!
The indoor bbq area is just incredible! It’s so cosy and lovely. There are candles, blankets and cushions. While someone cooks, the rest of you can sit around the warm bbq and just take in the surroundings. It’s not something I have seen before but my gosh it’s just wonderful and a definite visit.
With 11 of us staying. I won’t lie I had concerns that we would feel like we where all in top of each other and that you couldn’t get a moments peace. It was completely the opposite. It was homely, brought us together and I honestly couldn’t have been any more relaxed and at home. I truly felt at home here and I am already thinking about another trip back.
let me know if you’ve had any great weekends away recently and if so where?
There’s something about going to a different country that I just find wonderful.
I don’t just mean the sun. I mean the buildings, the way of life, the people and the culture. It’s all so different and whilst I am no history buff I just think there’s something wonderful about learning how someone else lives in a completely different country.
From the buildings, to cooking, to entertainment, socialising and even religion.
I mean some of the religious buildings in foreign countries are just incredible. The artwork and detail inside and out really are a piece of art.
I’m not the most well travelled person by any means. However I certainly appreciate the way of life of other countries.
You may know that we recently went to Turkey and we had a wonderful time. I have been before and we explored then. This time was more of a getaway.
However I still loved meeting the local people and tasting their food and drinks and their general way of life.
Tell me what do you enjoy the most about going away?
I clearly remember this time last year being at my in laws house for a weeks holiday.
I couldn’t walk far at all. I had a wheelchair that I used more or less all the time. I was in two crutches. Putting one foot in front of the other was almost impossible. I could barely feel my legs. The pain was unbearable.
I had no idea what was wrong with me. August 2018 I was still none the wiser on what was wrong after 18 months of testing. I just knew something wasn’t right, the doctors knew something wasn’t right either.
Eventually I got my diagnosis. I had FND. It wasn’t cure-able. There was no tablet to take. No one knew what it was. We had no idea why I had it. We had no idea if I would even walk properly again. Everything was unknown and I was thrown into this unknown void of my future.
It’s been a rocky time this year of 2019, I’ve had many obstacles to over come. I’ve faced more things than I ever thought.
You know what though? I’ve done it. I’ve fought hard. I haven’t given up and I’ve done what I can. I fight every battle that comes my way. I go to every appointment that comes my way that might offer me something to get further in my battle to feel
Some kind of normal. I want to be able to walk with confidence. To take my son to the park by myself and not feel like I am letting anyone down because of my condition. I manage better now but I do still have to use a mobility scooter, I always have a stick of some sorts with me.
Let’s hope this time next year I can say I’m walking without aids!
The warrior bracelet was kindly gifted to me from @dollsanddudes on Instagram. A fabulous reminder of how far I’ve come.